Steps for Personal Goal Setting That Work!

Hello lassies and lads! This blog is one I’ve been a wee bit excited to write. Okay, more than a wee bit. I actually LOVE this topic. One thing that has come up over and over again with my clients is a resistance to setting goals. Setting a goal often starts and stops in your noggin. You have an idea… but then you think of all the reasons you might not achieve it. Or you think of how other people might judge it. So, you push it aside and move on, unfulfilled and down on yourself. NO MORE, lassies and lads! NO MORE!!

Thought Reset

What I’m here to teach you today can be life changing if you allow it. I’ve designed these simple steps to setting and achieving goals, called a thought reset. A thought reset teaches you to correct your doubting thoughts. You need to learn to move from an unconscious, unhelpful thought, to a conscious, helpful thought. Start asking yourself: “does this thought help me or does it not?” So, get out a pen and paper because I think it’s going to be really helpful to make this interactive.

Step 1: Write it ALL Down

First, set a timer for 5 minutes. Then write down alllll your thoughts about your goals. Don’t overthink it, just be honest with yourself and let a stream of consciousness flow. Fill up an entire page! You can even do a line down the middle of the page and split it into helpful thoughts and unhelpful thoughts. But the point of this isn’t to do anything RIGHT or PERFECT – it’s purely a data dump. Let it all go!!

Here are some examples of unhelpful thoughts you may be working through:

• “I don’t want to set goals because I don’t deserve that”
• “I’m scared people will talk about me or have opinions about me”
• “I’m scared I will fail”

Once you’ve written EVERYTHING that comes to mind, you’re gonna surprise yourself with what you learn from it. Trust me.

Step 2: Correct the Unhelpful Thoughts

After you’ve gotten all those thoughts out of your noggin and onto paper, it’s time to reset. Okay, time to get another piece of paper. Start by looking over your thought download and pick whatever is just unhelpful or negative. For each unhelpful thought, we’re going to write out a way to reset that thought.

If there is one thing I want you to get by the end of this blog, it’s to have a JOYOUS relationship with goal setting. I want us to SMASH the fear, the shame, other people’s opinions – ALL OF IT! I want us to put that all aside and start making HUGE, BIG, MASSIVE, AUDACIOUS goals.

It’s so important to create a habit of constantly asking yourself, is this a conscious thought? Is it a helpful thought? Because our thoughts, our beliefs, our feelings – they create our reality! Our thoughts are SO powerful. They can change everything, lassies and lads. EVERYTHING.

Common Problem 1: No Time

Maybe your unconscious thought is telling you “I don’t have time.” I hear that one a lot. If you’re stuck on “I don’t have time” it can be hard to even move past it to think of what a helpful thought would be. So, what are you going to do the next time that this is what’s keeping you from your goals? You’re going to reset your next CONSCIOUS thought to be: “I’m going to create the time I need to get it done.”

Even better, set a deadline! Make it real! “Over the next 6 months, I’m going to create time so that in November I can do X.” Do you see how just these little, tiny shifts reset your mind from unhelpful thoughts to helpful ones? And how that can create a different reality?? I know. Mic drop.

Common Problem 2: No Energy

“I don’t have the energy.” Does that sound familiar? Personally, I’m an extroverted introvert. I require a lot of down time in order to be up. Does that make sense? So, I have to plan my calendar around that. I’m always thinking about, okay, I have 2 events for the kids this week and I have 2 social events, that might be too much for me.

So, my conscious thought is “I’m going to take measures to create more energy, which allow me to do this goal later in the year.” Game changer. So, maybe that means rescheduling some more flexible plans so that you have more energy. Do that and you’ve just figured out a way to achieve the goal further down the road instead of staying stuck.

The Main Reason People Don’t Keep Goals

Finally, the NUMBER 1 reason people do not set up and keep goals. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail?” We ALL struggle with fear of failure. Perfectionism can be a HUGE roadblock. But lassies and lads, I’m here to shake some sense into you. Pay close attention to what I’m about to say. YOU’RE A BADASS!!! And it’s time to start setting goals like it!!! What would your future self say? Or do?

So, what’s your conscious thought to get past this? “I will start before I’m ready.” Seriously!! It sounds wild, but I do it ALL the time. I start before I’m ready. Before I started coaching, I had zero clue what I was doing. Before I started a podcast, I reaaally had zero clue what I was doing. So what did I do? I shifted my thoughts to be, “I can figure anything out.” I didn’t pretend I would never face any hurdles, but I DID set up a new relationship with my goals. One where there’s no reason I COULDN’T succeed.

My conscious thoughts were, “I’m going to join a mastermind and I’m going to become a coaching master. And then when I’ve done that, I’m going to master more skills because I want to keep growing.” And here I am now!! If I can start before I’m ready, I KNOW you can too. And I can’t wait to see what you accomplish when you do. Seriously, it’s SO fun when you start goal setting for the things you’re REALLY passionate about. You guys are amazeballs. So, GO BE AMAZEBALLS!!!

Step 3: Goal Ownership

Next, it’s time to take ownership of your goals. Get specific on what part of the goal you own and what part someone else owns. I am a firm believer in radical responsibility for my life. And I believe that that has created a power that allows me to do whatever it is I want to do. And that’s what I want for you.

Right now, write down exactly what you are responsible for when it comes to making your goals happen and what you are not responsible for. Here’s an example to get you started: one of the things you might be responsible for is to find help! Literally write down, “I am responsible for asking for help so I can work on this thing.”

Doing this will help you find more actionable ways to take steps toward your goals.

My 2 Walls

Now, you might be looking at your note-filled papers and wondering… what do I do with this now?? Well, I say find a way to keep them in front of your face!

I actually have 2 “goal walls” that keep me on track: an “it will be done” wall and an “it is done” wall. And on the “it will be done” wall, I put things up that are insane. INSANE. But I really have moved some of them from the “it will be done” to the “it is done” wall.

Years ago, I put up “I own a magical lake house”. When I first moved to America, in this area in central Florida, you couldn’t buy a piece of dirt on the lake for under a million dollars. Uh… just a wee bit out of the budget. BUT I was like, “Maybe I could have a lake house somewhere else.” And that seemed like such a crazy big goal! I didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle back then, but now it’s on the “done” wall. Yeah, THE DONE WALL!!! AND I even host women’s retreats there now!

That not evidence enough for ya? How about, “I adopted a little girl” and “I wrote a book.” When I first put them on my “It will be done” wall, both goals seemed INSANE. But that is not the relationship you want to have with your goals! You might be a little scared, sure, but you should also be SUPER excited and EMPOWERED by your goals. Because what happens when you empower yourself? You empower OTHER PEOPLE.

Starting a Chain Reaction

If somebody sees that someone like me can have a magical lake house, it takes that imaginary idea and turns it into REALITY. Do you know how many people have contacted me about having a lake house that they could Airbnb? Why?? Because they saw someone else achieve this goal and now they know they can too! You CAN adopt a child! Have a magical lake house! Run a marathon! Write a book! Start a podcast! You CAN do whatever the F you want!!!

The first big step is changing your relationship with goals. Alright? You ready? Let’s do it!!!

Love Coach Mummabear

Melissa Wiggins

A life coach who helps you win at life.